my therapist, kathryn hahn
Kathryn Hahn is loved by so many. She’s gotten a lot of attention recently for her role in Wandavision, but y’all, she’s done SO MUCH. She’s been working forever and if you didn’t realize it, she’s probably your favorite character in something you’ve forgotten about. She’s so funny, so relatable, so charming. I can’t think of a single time that seeing her face didn’t bring me joy. But...I might be biased because of this perfect Hollywood story…
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Not even five years into my Los Angeles journey, and I was already lonely, sad, lost, and so so tired. I was in one of those all too familiar ruts; working obsessively but not accomplishing anything of substance. Yearning for relationships and community, but unable to land anywhere that felt like home. It was a transitory time. Whatever was waiting for me on the other side of that valley was lightyears (and a few emotional breakdowns) away.
On this particular day, I was working double duty; waitress by morning, birthday party princess by afternoon. Throw in the dozen existential questions floating around in my brain (Will I ever get past this? Will I be singing Part of Your World in a seashell bra for the rest of my life? Is that alfredo sauce on my elbow?) and we’ve got a typical Saturday for me. So I get to the princess party, sing the song, paint the faces, etc. We are finally, blessedly, at the part of the event that grants me respite; the eating of cake. All I have to do now is mingle for a few more minutes and then I’m free to go home, pour the wine, and cry myself to sleep. And then it happened: Kathryn Hahn, who I somehow didn’t notice before, walks up to me. To me. One of her kids must’ve been a guest at the party. She smiles. (That smile!) She tells me that she used to do these princess parties too. I laugh and say what I’m supposed to say, “Oh really? Wow! It’s a great job, I really love it, so fun, kids are so cute, I don’t even mind when they cough in my face, no that’s not alfredo sauce on my elbow.” And then she gives me a look which cuts right through my charade. She leans in close and says:
“I know this feels like it will last forever. It will not.”
It wasn’t the first time Kathryn Hahn made me cry, and it wouldn’t be the last.
A few weeks ago, I sat in the cozy apartment that I share with my husband in our little corner of Los Angeles and watched Wandavision. Then I talked about it with my friends, a community I’ve built. Now I’m writing about it, literally getting paid to sit and share my thoughts with you. I’m not wearing a seashell bra (I’m not wearing a bra at all, tbh). Kathryn Hahn was right; that chapter of my life did not last forever. I’ve moved on.
But that’s the thing, ya know? The sun rises and we move from one moment to the next, often so seamlessly that we hardly rejoice before complaining again. Seeing Kathryn’s face on my television reminded me that the life I once so fervently prayed for, I am now living. Sure, my upstairs neighbors are terribly loud and, yes, we have to take our dirty laundry down to the machines in the basement, but what are those details if not evidence of a life being lived? A life that will grow and change and pivot and spiral. A life in which by the end of it, I will hopefully be able to say that I embraced every moment.
Kathryn Hahn gave me a snippet of her story and I have treasured it. Thankfully, I see her face everywhere these days and am often reminded to slow down and take stock. She said exactly what I needed to hear, exactly when I needed to hear it. Her timing was perfect. No surprise there.
*Many of these photos are courtesy of Enchanted Characters, the character entertainment company I worked for during this phase of my life. Despite my grumbling, they were the absolute best company to work for and remain so today for their many talented employees. If you need a princess, they are your party people. (Serving Orange County and Los Angeles) www.enchantedcharacters.net
